Somedays it feels like i'm a chess piece unable to move....it feels

For the last several days I've been weaving in and out of breathing and being alive. Don't ask me why I believe this, but something is slightly off and I can't figure out what--in the same way that I constantly remain ambiguous.
So, what's the best thing I can do during moments like this??? (whispers) write. And like so much of my thoughts and feelings, what I write becomes a Rorschach Test--similar, and slightly different. I'd like for you to project unto me.

4/25/11: Untitled
Swallowing these pills reunites myself--
it's been a while, ol' friend.
The nasty sting of Anger; 
loneliness in Sadness,
and always on a high.


Everything is nothing
and suffering is shitting and eating pretzels--
being full and empty.


Piss tastes like loving you girl
bendable, aching, a runic lie.


Several bottles fall off the bed
empty womb sliced open by daddy's
fat, black, cock
wiggly and plastic.


I'm on the edge twirling with the world
taking a stand
wandering along the margins
and lines.
I write
down

Abstract Art

Hey
Ok, sorry if these picutres are not in the best resolution...you can only do sooo much on a boost mobile phone. I created these paintings yesterday using a combonation of mediums.
Untitled 1 was done with acyrilic paints, and ink. Untitled 2 was done with charcol pencil, oil, watercolor ink, acrylic ink, and arcylic paint. Both are varnished and then glossed over.
If you're interested in them (perhaps buying????) let me know!

Untitled 1

Untitled 2

The following pieces have been done over about a 4 month period. I don't remember which piece came first (since I don't date anything!)

Terminated (Acrylic ink, pen; Translucent bond: 14x17in.)

Untitled 4 (acrylic ink, pen on bright white translucent bond; 14x17in)

The Suicide (acrylic ink, pen on bright white translucent bond; 14x17in)

Battling Breathing (Charcol and acrylic ink on bright white translucent bond; 14x17)

Untitled 5  (Charcol, pastel pencil, oil paint, acrylic ink...black, the light makes it look blue. Translucent bond; 14x17in)

Window/Door (cotton canvas, oil, acrylic ink)

Loving You (acrylic, pen.).

Aborticided Breathe

This poem will be published in a literary magazine called Crescendo City at the end of this month. This will be my second literary publication (the first: "Gentle is His Love" published in the North Country Literary magazine in 2008). Most of my poetry is confessional (for those who aren't familiar with the term, think: Anne Sexton, Sylvia Plath, and Robert Lowell.), touching subjects from deep-seated despair, sexual failure, self-laceration, and abortion (in the very nature of the word itself).  "Aborticided Breathe" was created during the summer of 2010 at one of my lowest points in life. Much of the poem is voyeuristic, and invading as the life I believe I feel punctuated by a simple emotion--hopelessness.

And now: "Aborticided Breathe" By Andy M.


Bitterness in my mouth the moment I wake,
The next several hours I curse the day
constantly warring repeat. Repeat.

Will supports my weight in the scalding. Repeat.
To feel, opening the cabinet, both patient and physician. Go. Ingest. Repeat.

Half dead rattling in my mind-cage, the empty air fills my bones.
Thought: repeat. Indulge
Despair. Thought: repeat.
I’m ill-equipped for rest. But mine it is
to feel

Pregnant practicing the art of hurting--miscarry, repeat.
Dusks are my features bleeding. Holding a mirror over my shoulder
Eager to find myself in the eyes of stranger bodies.
This youth dismembered--decaying--haunts me. Repeat, until night comes, and
the fatigue.

Any  fault you find invisibly lonely in bed, lie
between ghosts reducing me to
symptoms of a failing mind.

Art work

Hey everyone!
I'm using this site to post some of my poems, artworks, and random thoughts for several reasons:
1. I need to get my shit out in the world
2. Networking is always good
3. Vanity

Please don't think I'm doing this in the narcissistic-arrogant fashion...maybe I am, but so is updating your facebook/twitter/aim/myspace/god knows what else there is out in cyperworld every 30 seconds. PS. I like this.